I Think I Broke Up With My Hiking Partner

Is it possible to break up if only one of us is dating?

Ok, so maybe this should be in the Blog section since it has "Hiking" in the title however as it is about dating and relationships, real or imagined, I am including it in my Journal. Ross* and I have known each other for almost 40 years or in approximate terms, almost 39 years, 364 days, 23 hours and 55 minutes longer than I expected. So how did this miscalculation come about? Wayne, an acquaintance had invited me to visit his church with him so I agreed to attend with him one Sabbath. It was a church which held services on the Sabbath rather than on Sundays. After the service he took me around, introducing me to members of the congregation. The last person he introduced me to and possibly the last person remaining in church aside from us was Ross. I now wonder if I was the reason he hung around as everyone else departed. Wayne introduced him to me under false pretenses claiming Ross to be a very intelligent person like myself. Please note, I never claim to be "very intelligent" myself and I certainly would never describe Ross as such. Ross seemed to be um, an odd sort and we really had nothing in common so even if I attended this church again, I did not expect to interact with Ross again. However, unbeknownst to me at the time, Ross had apparently, almost immediately developed a crush on me.

Ross had recently graduated from Dal and was about to begin working for BIO under contract as an independent worker** and was starting a specimen shell selling business. Not having a car and needing to set up a work station at his home, he called me to offer a temporary job to help him set up. I cannot remember if I was unemployed or underemployed at this time but as I had time to spare and did not expect to be involved for more than a couple of weeks I agreed. One part of my work was to taxi him to BIO and transport specimens to his home. I always enjoyed my visits there and chatting with the staff but was quite surprised to learn during one of these chats that Ross could have had a lab at this prestigious institute which seemed much better to me than working out of his backyard. But then, I was just getting to know him and as it turned out I would have many years to get to know him better.

But enough of that, that was the late Eighties and this is 2024, let me just summarize those decades in between by saying it did not take long to realize Ross was gay and torn between thinking he had to keep it a secret and wanting to proclaim his gayness to the world. Again, we won't get into that any further, at least at present. So, despite me moving on and no longer working with him, Ross continued to call me if he needed my input, help or just to socialize. Plus we met at church functions for the several years I attended that church and I did still work with him on several of his fishy projects. After I moved to just outside the city proper, as I was then on his route home, Ross having moved by then as well, he stopped in to visit me almost every day. He probably did stop in every day but some days I was fortunate enough to be out. Ross carried his crush on me for decades, trying to win me over while for my part I tolerated him as just another pain in the arse in my life.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago: We were out hiking a small trail that I used to hike or bike almost daily. It was near my previous home and while it was a path through the woods, not a groomed trail, it was in relatively good shape so not too much of a challenge for me on a bike when I went out biking. Not even after Hurricane Juan. Plus it is a charming lakefront trail that links up to a couple other major trails and therefore made a good trail for shorter excursions or  a good starting point for longer hikes. I now live in a different area so it is a rare treat to hike there now. Usually when I do, I am alone as it holds no bragging rights for Ross: too common, too short and too easy. It has nothing you may use as a starting point for self-aggrandizing. For me however it is a charming walk, a relaxing setting and a place to unwind while taking in the beauty of nature. Except this time I was with Ross. Did I mention Ross is something of a jerk? I should have, it is one of his better points. Regardless I was determined to enjoy an atypical opportunity to experience one of my favourite trails and not let Ross ruin it.

Back to my previous mention of Ross being a jerk. We had a fairly good hike with Ross behaving himself better than usual resulting in an exceptional lack of arguing. Then we reached the end of the trail and turned around to head back. I should mention that being with Ross is like living in a Monty Python sketch. As I have a penchant for truth, fact and common sense, Ross of course argues with almost everything I say, despite his invariably being proven wrong. When I tell him it is a deceased parrot, he goes off on incredible tangents to convince me it is only sleeping; like the time I had to endure an hour of him scouring the internet to prove to me that he was right, green tea has no caffeine. Despite the lack of evidence to support his belief and my quoting a statement from the Lipton tea company stating that a serving of green tea contains 28 mg of caffeine. When we finally concluded that telephone conversation he was still searching for proof that he was correct or more importantly, I was wrong despite all his searches thus far backing my statements. As we turned to retrace the trail I immediately noticed that whilst climbing over a tree, the hoodie I had draped over my bag had been snagged by a branch of said tree and now hung there.

Before I could retrieve my hoodie, Ross exclaimed the obvious, "Oh look, somebody lost their jacket!"  Gee, ya think so? Pushing past me he made a grab for my hoodie before I could retrieve it so I tried to get his attention, "Ross, leave it," I said. Too late, he had already departed this world to visit the home he prefers and where he lives most of his life, Planet Ross.*** As he grabbed my hoodie I said louder, "Ross, leave it there." As is usual when visiting Planet Ross he began babbling, this time something about rescuing the jacket. I repeated much sterner, "Ross, just leave it." Now you would think that when a known and trusted friend tries to warn you off a certain course of action there is usually good cause for it and a sensible person would cease that action to enquire after it. Have I ever accused Ross of being sensible? I never shall. He was babbling again, "I am going to take this jacket that somebody has lost and I am going to place it thusly, precisely in this location that all may see it, the owner may then return to find it and the world will rejoice and sing the praises of Ross!" That may not be an exact quote but knowing Ross as I do, that is precisely what he meant. There would probably be a parade with ticker tape for Ross when the worried owner of this never before seen piece of wearing apparel returned to this place in the dire hope of somehow being reunited with it. Doves would descend upon the spot. "Ross," I said, raising my voice further, "Give me the hoodie." Did he listen? No, he began hanging my hoodie on the tree. We struggled, he came away with a sore finger and I retrieved my hoodie from said tree.

Now bear in mind that Ross had seen me wearing this hoodie numerous times. He had seen me wearing this hoodie when we met up at the start of the trail. He had seen me taking it off as we got into our hike and he had seen me carrying my hoodie draped over my bag for the whole of our hike to this point. Had he not, as usual, had his head up his arse he would have seen I no longer had my hoodie on my person. A sensible person may have been able to draw a conclusion from all of this. What did conclusion Ross draw from this? This is my chance to be a hero and impress everybody! Or maybe it's just another opportunity to be an idiot while flying in the face of the obvious.

We made our way back with Ross doing that thing where you act like nothing unusual has happened even though something has. He suggested a side trip to a small peninsula along the way. It is a nice little place that I enjoy visiting so I readily agreed. It would not take long for me to discover the real reason for this detour. It is a very small space so we were not there long but Ross had to make mention that this was now his favourite place for skinny dipping, another of my pet peeves with him. I know Ross likes to swim naked but Ross does not simply swim, he goes "SKINNEEEEEE DIPPINGGGGGGG!" I'm sorry I am unable to use the usual inflection I give this when vocalizing. Skinny dipping, what are we, six years old? I know he likes to swim naked, I do so at times myself but for me it is a means to an end when I do not have a suit with me, with Ross it is yet another attention getting device. As such Ross can never simply say he went swimming, he always has to mention he was skinny dipping. Real mature Ross. We eventually made our way back to the start. He retrieved his bike and stopped at my car to say goodbye and complimented me on my top. We very briefly discussed this before he rode off home and it was all pleasant enough but it had the feel of one of those situations where a relationship has ended but the person ending it is trying to do so on good terms. I started my car and drove home.

sdgth

* I am using Ross's actual name here for as far as I know he only uses his gay name online so it is extremely unlikely he will be outed by my blog. Not to mention if my blog did somehow out him, he would revel in the attention. It is truly my belief that if my uses of real names here outs anyone, it will be me.

** I was never told if his was a research position or if he was merely doing grunt work for the researchers working at BIO.

*** My name for the imaginary land where Ross lives most of his life. On Planet Ross everything is exactly as he wishes it. Everything is good, everything is nice, everything is Ross.