Hopefully just a short post today. Due to the resistance to my comment that "Suicide is a viable alternative to life", I thought I should explain further now that I have added it to Bon Mots page on this site. I had a friend online, she was here every day. She sometimes traveled for work, she was self employed in the personal computer industry but even on the road she was certain to log online at some point to keep in touch and entertained. Suddenly one day she just disappeared. She had had a health concern previously but told us they did not find cancer in her. Was she in denial or were the test results uncertain? I do not know. But several months later she was being treated for cancer, then came the day she just disappeared. Prior to her treatment she had never missed a day joining her friends online now she missed a day here and there until one day she logged on no more.
As is so common online, I never knew her real name, only her screen name, missfatty. Not everyone liked her, considering her behaviour too stupid or over the top but I grew to enjoy her company very much. You had to understand her, she could be very sharp with people and yes, she could be over the top but when you got to know her you came to understand these things were not exactly as they seemed. Her behaviour could be somewhat over the top but you have to consider her history, she had been in a car accident some years ago and wound up dependent on pain killers. She also liked to have some wine in the evening, a combination did nothing to contribute to stable behaviour. As for her sharpness, she wore her heart on her sleeve and felt things deeply. When she lashed out at people, it was a defensive action to protect herself. She was a fiery, redheaded, Irish woman and she lived up to that stereotype but if you took time to know her, you also saw she had a big heart and it was her heart that was on view most. The other things only appeared when she feared getting hurt, I came to enjoy her company very much.
She had an online hobby that was near and dear to her so after it was clear she would not be returning, I looked into whether it was possible for me to carry it on somehow for her. In explaining the circumstance I told the guardians of the gates her online history and how she never missed a day so for her to be gone for a couple of years, she had to be dead or worse. The possibilities I could see were that she died, she was in hospital hooked up to tubes and machines or she was in long term care either at home or at a care facility and unable to go online. For missfatty to be unable to go online would mean she was in very bad shape and to not be online would probably mean all the joy had left her life, ergo she was either dead or worse. She did not speak of her family often but the little she said, lead me to believe there was some tension there and her family probably did not approve of her lifestyle and probably not her online hobby. So if she was in the care of her family she may have been kept from living her life as she chose to live it. I wish I could think of a happy situation to cause her disappearance but knowing her as I do, I cannot. I wish she had been more forthcoming about what she was going through but the indication was that she was being treated for cancer and cancer is a nasty disease. If it left her alive I must suspect it left her with very little life. I remember and pray for my friend that she may be enjoying life and freed from pain whatever her circumstance.
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